It’s funny how social media is a resource and reference for what people deem to be true. Whatever we post or say is always assumed to be a reflection of our direct lives. Sure we like to brag, show-off and low-key ask for sympathy during our darkest hours (i.e. break up’s), however as humans we also like to assume and lie. Therefore, everything seen on your phone and computers should be taken with a grain of salt. For example: my relationship.
I’ve heard it numerous of times and I’ve heard it all – “You two are perfect!”, “You two are the best”, “You two work so well together”, “I wish my relationship was like yours”, “You guys are flawless”, “What’s your secret?”, “You two are so happy”. KSOLE and I literally laugh whenever we hear these comments because to us, they are not compliments at all. In fact, we are far from what people think of us. The only difference is that we do not air out our dirty laundry or post about our arguments on Instagram. We actually fight, argue and bicker like normal couples do and over petty things from time to time. We even have had our “do-or-die” moments and because we both can be stubborn, our fights can last for quite a while – but no one ever knows. Keeping quiet in the public’s eye and resolving issues amongst yourselves is key to maintaining a strong relationship and privacy. With technology today, it’s easy to find out about the gossip and hard to keep secrets. Anything can damage your reputation because people love to assume and twist the truth to make it more entertaining.
KSOLE and I are far from perfect; we have flaws and things we are still working on. Yes, we display cute photos of us on our social media accounts but then again, why would you want to put up any other photo suggesting otherwise? However, posting couple shots of us does not mean that we’re always happy and we don’t have a single thing wrong with us. I’d like to meet a couple that doesn’t bicker occasionally. Also, I like to note that we are not shoving our happiness in anyone’s face either.
While we do not know what truly makes a relationship long lasting and functional, we can say that these are some things we have learned from our relationship and experiences and can attest to. Take these only as advice and not facts.
· Communication: you’ve heard it many times before so I won’t elaborate too much. I must say that sometimes face-to-face communication is not always the best option. For myself, I am better at expressing my feelings and thoughts through writing (or texting). When I’m arguing in person, my emotions get the best of me and I will say things that I don’t mean. At least through writing out my perspective, I can edit and really choose words that I think will help explain what I am trying to convey.
· Honesty, Trust and Truth: another obvious points here so no need to explain. If you don’t understand why these things are important than you probably have not been in a relationship before.
· Family: bonding with each other’s families is essential. Unless otherwise noted, try to get to know the other person’s family and attend events. I adore my boyfriend’s family, especially because he has a huge family since mine is small (and not as close).
· Intimacy: date nights – set them. Go out, dress up and have fun from time to time. Having two date nights a month may sound minimal but if you’re both busy, then it is two nights you are promising to not work and just have fun! After all, how else are you going to release your stress? Be spontaneous and don’t have it on the same day/date every month, mix it up. Oh and you’re not allowed to be on your phone while you’re out – unless the call is that important, put the phone down.
· Support and Teamwork: support your significant other’s passions, dreams and goals! You’re their personal cheerleader and biggest critic. Don’t be scared to tell them what you think but at the same time, don’t be mean about it. If they have a problem, help them solve it and offer assistance. Don’t wait for them to ask you for help. You’re a team and you both need to put in 110%.
· Social Media: take the picture but there is no need to post it right then and there. Get off your phone, pay attention to each other’s conversations and listen. Also don’t post up stupid quotes and sayings when you’re mad at each other, about each other (indirectly). It’ll just further piss off the other person and worsen your fight. Stay offline until it’s over.
These things may not be new or revolutionary, but they are things that we’ve learned over time. Sometimes, things aren’t obvious and other times you think you’re the exception and doing it one time isn’t a big deal. In this day and age, many people are so self-absorbed and they do not realize how something may affect the other person. Don’t just assume that he/she will be okay with it – ask, communicate, and be on the same page.
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