As a stubborn Capricorn who consistently broke her curfew growing up and refused to ask for help during her worst times, it is really hard for me to admit when I am wrong. Before I continue, let's clarify that I am and will never apologize for being myself and you should never have to. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule.
However, to truly love yourself and be able to love someone else, you have to accept yourself. Everyone has their own inner demons to battle, their own vices to deal with, and flaws they hate about themselves. I have a laundry list of things I particularly don't like about myself and would like to change. But the reality of it is, all of these things I hate about myself may be things that my friends, family, and future significant other may love. "One's man trash is another man's treasure" right?
In the last 28 years, I've learned to love parts about myself and have slowly changed my perception on my upbringing. In turn, this allows me to move forward and grow in a more positive manner. I wasn't rich, I wasn't necessarily poor, but I grew up in a household that certainly shaped the way I look at life, love, friendship, and family.
I was bullied for 3 years straight in middle school, literally running from bullies and took alternative routes when walking home to avoid people. I went to high school and became more of an introvert, which caused me to jump from relationship to relationship. Always searching for comfort and the idea of love. Truth was, I was scared of being alone.
As I got older, I began to learn and understand that things do happen for a reason. What we choose to tackle is solely on ourselves, but we often feel pressured to resolve everyone else's issues and make others happy - all the time.
My problem isn't to resolve my parent's marriage or to even bother coming up with an excuse for their behavior. I have to stop blaming them and appreciate the fact that what I went through, has made me who I am today. Despite all the troubles, heartache, and tears, at the end of the day family is family. Same goes for your best and closest friends who have been there for you, even if you refused to listen to their advice (time after time). The people who love you, truly love you, will always be there for you - no matter what.
I finally started putting myself first in the last month. I was so worried about how people would perceive me, the breakup that went on, and what thoughts or rumors would occur. Yet at the end of the day, opinions don't pay my bills. People leave, people start rumors, go to the extreme and do petty things to try to hurt you - and sometimes it works. It surely worked against me and it took me weeks before I finally realized that all I could do is just forgive myself.
I spent the last few years attempting to mold myself into someone else's idea of the perfect partner. While we started on the same page, we fell apart along the way and that's OK. Who I am is who I will always be and I can't apologize for that. I try my best everyday to be better than who I was yesterday and that's all anyone can realistically expect. That's all I will ever expect from my friends and family members.
To end off this post, before I end up rambling forever, I just want to remind you (as much as myself) that you are perfect the way you are. Someone loves you, someone does love you for your flaws and all. Don't be too hard on yourself, be realistic. Forgive yourself, love yourself, and always make sure that YOU are happy.