Hitting Old Age

Just four more years until the "Dirty Thirty", as people these days are calling it. Damn I'm getting old.

I remember when I was 18 years old, fresh out of high school and entering CSULB. I had dreams, hopes and expectations of where I would be by the age of 25. I'm sure everyone did at that age. I expected to be rich, well-off with a townhouse, G35 and working as a magazine editor or at least for a magazine. I had dreams of being Miranda Presley, from The Devils Wear Prada. I wanted to be envied by many, successful and a star within the industry. Silly me, how I had no idea how many obstacles I would go through and continue to endure today. Of course, I cannot be naive. I couldn't have really believed that my life would be a piece of cake right? See, the problem with me is that I get my hopes so high at times that I disappoint myself over the little things. I often forget to see the bigger picture. I ignore the fact that I have survived during my darkest hours and obsess over obscene things. It's sad to admit but I really do take things for granted. I have tons of self doubt, I expect the worst all the time and I hardly give myself credit for anything. Then again, what's the point?

I ask myself, what have I done with my life so far? What do I regret? What can I change? What have I learned? The answer, well it's hard to answer in one post. You'll fall asleep because who the heck reads these days. It's all about pictures, visuals and if it doesn't catch your attention within 10 seconds, you don't care. So for once, instead of entertaining my audience, I'm writing this for me. One day, I'll read it, when I'm old and feeble.

LIFE: I'm 26. I live in a studio in the LA area, with two cats. Contrary to popular belief, I do not live with my boyfriend. Majority of my friends do, which is great for them. Some are engaged, married and have families. Again, great for them. Just not something I want right now. I can admit that I am still uncertain about my career path. I've had several office jobs, ranging from customer service, supervisor, purchasing to public relations. I've worked since I was 16, that under the table job was awesome. I sat in front of Mitsuwa market in Costa Mesa on weekends and sold roasted chestnuts. Yup, that was my first job. From there, I've worked non-stop and was unemployed for a month, max. Never have I took more than a weekend getaway for a vacation. I plan to, eventually. I was kicked out of my parent's house at 18. I lived with random girls I found on Craigslist, for a month. They drove me crazy so I moved, then moved again, and again. I've moved every year since I was 18. This current location is the first where I've been at for more than a year. But I'm itching to move again. So to sum it up, I'm still figuring out what I truly want to do while trying to figure out how to be my own boss and still moving around, city to city. For all those that are indecisive about your life, just know it's normal. 

REGRET: I regret not traveling years prior. I hate myself for allowing my fears of heights from holding me back. I just took my first plane ride last year, at the age of 25. Pathetic. I regret not engaging in class conversations. After all, the crap you learn in school doesn't always apply to the outside world but the conversations and connections you make during those years last a lifetime. You never know who might help you out with getting that job later on. So talk! Don't be scared. I also regret taking for granted the luxuries of living at home, with the parents. Don't get me wrong, I freaking love living on my own but I do miss home cooked meals and rent free living. Enjoy it while it lasts kiddos. 

LESSONS: I skipped on what I could change because that'll be a twenty-page essay. We all want to change something about our lives and about ourselves. Nobody's perfect. What have I taken away from all the shit I've been through? Well, choose your friends wisely. It'll take a few years to figure out who your true friends are, the ones that support and will help you achieve your goals. The people who don't just party all day and night, but have dreams and action plans. The ones that do not doubt you. I've lost tons of friends over the last few years but I'm better without them. Besides, you don't need 10,000 Instagram friends to be happy. You just need a handful. Although, brands these day care about followers more so than personality. Sad reality. But anyways, do what you love while still handling your responsibilities. Pay your bills on time, don't spend the rent money on shots at the bar. Be extremely cautious with credit cards (I'm still in debt) and school loans. Be mindful of your credit score. Oh and ASK around if you do not know. I was stubborn and dumb when I was younger and now I have to pay for it. Enjoy your life but know that you do have to work your way up. Lose the entitlement ego. No one owes you a damn thing. You're not the best, but you can be better. 

Lastly, don't listen to anything I wrote. Seriously. Who am I to tell you how to live your life? The things I've gone through, you have not. Take all advice with a grain of salt. Do what's best for YOU. Be emotional, be stupid and act careless because that's when you'll realize what life is about and what works for your situation. You aren't going to learn from someone else's experience. Honestly, you just have to go through it yourself and figure it out. Only the strong survive, so don't be a weeny. Good luck.

If you didn't like this post, too bad. BYE! :)